Because you're worth it

I don't really know how to introduce or explain this, so I'm just going to jump straight in. It concerns me that my brother is way more pissed about one of his friends kissing me without my consent at a club than I am. I'm in fact not annoyed at all, I couldn't care less, to me that's just what happens at clubs and if you don't want them to kiss you, you just say no and generally they'll back off. My brother almost beat the shit out of his friend and his friend is now dead to him. His friend isn't the only guy who just kissed me that night, and if he hadn't been Ben's friend and also the friend of a guy who I'm sort-of-non-commitally-not-seriously-kinda-seeing I probably would have just gone with it like I did with the other guy tbh. Maybe that says more about me than it does about like society or whatever like I was originally going for. I mean it's not the first time I've thought about my clubbing experiences like this before, I go clubbing and hook up with guys because it's easy for me. It's a confidence boost that I can get pretty much any guy I want if my dress is short and tight enough. I hook up with guys in clubs because I know my looks will get me further than my personality will. Because I have so little self worth and self value that I don't think anyone will ever be able to actually love me for me, but I can sure as shit get a horny drunk guy to grope my arse and put his tongue in my mouth with a shy look and a smile, or a raised eyebrow and a head tilt. I don't mind guys using me as a sex object, because at least I'm wanted and not alone at least for a little while. It lets me feel in control, when in fact as evidenced by the number of guys who just go for it without permission I'm really not. But that's okay with me too, because I'm the most submissive person and power play is kinda hot (as long as it doesn't go too far). Far put I'm fucked up. Maybe I should care more about myself and develop some self esteem and self worth. Yeah.