We've all got one, whether it's a parent, a sibling, a friend, a boy/girlfriend, even a teacher maybe...but everyone's got an anchor. Someone who's there when they need it most, someone who makes big problems seem, well less big and daunting. Who when the world is being stupid and confusing makes it all simple and orderly. But what happens when your foundation becomes a little bit less stable?
My best friend is my anchor, surprise, surprise right? But she is. When I'm feeling crazy or stressed or upset (which, to be honest is most of the time) she can almost always make me feel better. She's really just always there for me, and she's always got my back, even when she's really mad with me, because that's what we are to each other. I can ask her the stupidest or most embarrassing questions and she doesn't judge me, just helps, and that's why I love her. Don't get me wrong, my other friends and my boyfriend (ooh, yeah, I've got a boyfriend now, more to come on that next time ;)) and my brother and mum are great too, but there are some problems that I can't talk to them about, but I can talk to Anna about anything and we're cool. So yeah, that's where my problem starts really...
Now I'm going to be straight up with you guys- I'm not the most stable of people. I get stressed and upset really easy and I can suffer from some serious anxiety in a lot of social situations. I can have some pretty major mood swings which I'm working to control, but it's slow going and I tend to upset people sometimes when I don't even mean to. I'm strangely particular about some things, and then there are other things that I just don't care about. I have patterns and I hate breaking them. I have trouble sleeping because I'm scared of the dark but I can't sleep if it's light. I'm not going to sit here and say that my life is devastatingly tragic or try and tell everyone that I have huge major issues, bc I know there are people who have way bigger issues than I do, but yeah...
So, as I was saying I'm not the most stable of people, but that was always fine because Anna is. She's always been the smart, confident, pretty, outgoing one, and I'm the background friend. Sort of a Robin to her Batman, side kick to the hero. Which I'm not complaining about, that's the way we are and the way I like it, it makes me feel sort of...not protected, but...cozy? idk, I just feel little and like she's looking out for me, which I love (which is why it's amazing that my boyfriend is pretty much a giant, a whole foot taller than me) but she's my solid, dependable, unbreakable pillar of safety. but what do you do when your pillar is not quite as solid as you always thought?
I don't really want to say what's happened, bc it's Anna's business really and I don't really have the right to just put it out here on my blog where anyone could read it, but I'm just struggling to deal with the fact that my biggest point of stability might be just as unstable as I am.
xoxo
Wednesday 26 June 2013
Monday 13 May 2013
Sozzuuuu ;c
Ohmygosh sorry that I haven't posted in forever :c
I've been super busy with school, and it's midnight and I just finished an assignment and I was going to post after I finished, but I have to go to bed now :ccccc
but I super duper pinkie promise there'll be one tomorrow! I have it all planned out and everything, dw ;)
Alrighty then,
Nighty night!
xoxo
I've been super busy with school, and it's midnight and I just finished an assignment and I was going to post after I finished, but I have to go to bed now :ccccc
but I super duper pinkie promise there'll be one tomorrow! I have it all planned out and everything, dw ;)
Alrighty then,
Nighty night!
xoxo
Wednesday 8 May 2013
Hello World, this is Meee
Helloo!
It's time for another exciting instalment of shit that happens in my life that you probs don't care about! yaaay!
I don't really have much to say, so we'll just do a quick little overview because I feel like a slacker if I don't post :P
So I had the party which was super duper fun :D
I 4reals love parties, I seriously wish I was more popular so I could be invited to more (also all the people who are really popular seem to be really nice, so it'd be cool to be better friends with them, but oh well :P) but yeah, the party was cool! I talked to people I haven't talked to before/haven't talked to in forever, as well as my friends obvs. I also hooked up with the guy I kinda like, which was at the time awesome, but then after kinda shit, because he's pretty much ignoring me now as far as I can tell which is #awks. But you know, maybe I'm wrong, or maybe I'm right...it'll or sort out in the end...the only downsides were some people Anna and I don't like showing up, and also this girl who is ultimate lightweight/10 getting really drunk and people having to look after her instead of enjoying the party, oh, and also, someone threw up in the kitchen right in front of the person who's party it was' mum, which is just stupid and disgusting, so yeah...but other than that the party was super fun, and then sleeping at Anna's house the next night was really fun too :D She actually had work the next day at like 7:30, but she just got up and went to work and left me sleeping, and then I got up at around 12:30 and made myself toast and watched Wife Swap USA with her step mum and little sister :P
Then I pretty much just had school yesterday and today...which is oh so exciting :P
It was kind of hilarious in history yesterday, we were talking about the story of the ark and inconsistencies in the bible and such, and we were discussing how at one point in the story it says two of every animal are to go on the ark, and then a couple of lines later it says two of each of the unclean animals, seven pairs of the clean and seven pairs of all the birds. We were then discussing what was the difference between clean and unclean animals and one of the boys in the class just comes out with:
"Uh, when I was younger, I read this religious text that talked about unicorns and dragons, and it said unicorns were allowed on the ark because they're clean animals, but dragons weren't, because they're not..."
(or something to that effect) and the whole class looked so confused, and the teacher tried soo hard to keep a straight face, but was just so hilarious :P
Okay, lastly I just want to talk about two things I've gotten really into recently- the first is this TV show called Hannibal. It's based on Hannibal Lecter (obvs) and it's like a detective show, where Hannibal is a therapist guy, and there's this adorable not-really-detective consultant guy named Will who is (I'm pretty sure) supposed to be the main character, and they solve murders, and then there's this on going murder investigation at ohmygosh it's soo good! I seriously recommend it to anyone who likes detective shows, it's crazy good! It is a little bit creepy though, considering it is about cannibals...but other than that it's super awesome :D
The second thing is the band Imagine Dragons, tbh, I first found out about them from the Perks of being a Wallflower (which I still haven't seen!) trailer which features their song "It's Time", and I really liked the song, so I listened to some more of their other songs and it's all like musical magic ♥ Again, definitely recommend themmmm!
Alright, well that's enough for tonight!
TTYL! ;D
xoxo
It's time for another exciting instalment of shit that happens in my life that you probs don't care about! yaaay!
I don't really have much to say, so we'll just do a quick little overview because I feel like a slacker if I don't post :P
So I had the party which was super duper fun :D
I 4reals love parties, I seriously wish I was more popular so I could be invited to more (also all the people who are really popular seem to be really nice, so it'd be cool to be better friends with them, but oh well :P) but yeah, the party was cool! I talked to people I haven't talked to before/haven't talked to in forever, as well as my friends obvs. I also hooked up with the guy I kinda like, which was at the time awesome, but then after kinda shit, because he's pretty much ignoring me now as far as I can tell which is #awks. But you know, maybe I'm wrong, or maybe I'm right...it'll or sort out in the end...the only downsides were some people Anna and I don't like showing up, and also this girl who is ultimate lightweight/10 getting really drunk and people having to look after her instead of enjoying the party, oh, and also, someone threw up in the kitchen right in front of the person who's party it was' mum, which is just stupid and disgusting, so yeah...but other than that the party was super fun, and then sleeping at Anna's house the next night was really fun too :D She actually had work the next day at like 7:30, but she just got up and went to work and left me sleeping, and then I got up at around 12:30 and made myself toast and watched Wife Swap USA with her step mum and little sister :P
It was kind of hilarious in history yesterday, we were talking about the story of the ark and inconsistencies in the bible and such, and we were discussing how at one point in the story it says two of every animal are to go on the ark, and then a couple of lines later it says two of each of the unclean animals, seven pairs of the clean and seven pairs of all the birds. We were then discussing what was the difference between clean and unclean animals and one of the boys in the class just comes out with:
"Uh, when I was younger, I read this religious text that talked about unicorns and dragons, and it said unicorns were allowed on the ark because they're clean animals, but dragons weren't, because they're not..."
(or something to that effect) and the whole class looked so confused, and the teacher tried soo hard to keep a straight face, but was just so hilarious :P
Okay, lastly I just want to talk about two things I've gotten really into recently- the first is this TV show called Hannibal. It's based on Hannibal Lecter (obvs) and it's like a detective show, where Hannibal is a therapist guy, and there's this adorable not-really-detective consultant guy named Will who is (I'm pretty sure) supposed to be the main character, and they solve murders, and then there's this on going murder investigation at ohmygosh it's soo good! I seriously recommend it to anyone who likes detective shows, it's crazy good! It is a little bit creepy though, considering it is about cannibals...but other than that it's super awesome :DThe second thing is the band Imagine Dragons, tbh, I first found out about them from the Perks of being a Wallflower (which I still haven't seen!) trailer which features their song "It's Time", and I really liked the song, so I listened to some more of their other songs and it's all like musical magic ♥ Again, definitely recommend themmmm!
Alright, well that's enough for tonight!
TTYL! ;D
xoxo
Saturday 4 May 2013
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read...
Yo,
What is up, and such young people pleasantries.
I'm feeling pretty 90's white tonight, after an intense white-man dance off with my mum in the kitchen earlier to the delightful sounds of S Club 7, the ultimate bang of my childhood.
We had a practice AST test (it's like the big test that all the schools in Canberra (except of Canberra Grammar because they are weird like that) do to like scale shit or something (I reeaally pay attention when teachers talk about it)) and we had to do it in the gym because there were so many of us, and for the first and most boring (who wants to do 2.5 hours of multiple choice questions, half of which I swear to God where about fish...) it was absolutely freezing! I'd worn this adorable vintage Snoopy and Woodstock shirt, and no one got to see it, because I had to keep my jacket on and wind my scarf twice and zip everything up and I was stiiiiill shivering! So that was a super exciting enjoyable day...but then I came home to great excitement from my lovely dog, so I thought I'd write about her <3
Also, if you didn't get the title it's the punchline of a joke about dogs:
So, my dog's name is Molly. She's old, like 14 years or some such unreasonable age for a dog. She's mostly deaf and mostly blind, so if you stand behind her and say her name really loud, she won't even react, which is kind of funny when you creep up behind her and scare her :P She's a...kelpie? I want to say kelpie. I'm pretty sure that's right. So yes, she's a kelpie, and she used to be a farm dog, but she got to old and so the farmer put her up for adoption and we adopted her.
When she was a puppy she got hit by a motorbike, so one of her ears is permanently bent over backwards, and she walks kind of funny, but other than that's she's a pretty well functioning dog.
She's pretty much the dog equivalent of me- lazy, always hungry and hates doing what she's told. The only time she ever runs is for food or if mum yells at her to go to her bed. She has a little dog bed, but she never uses it. She believes it is her right to sleep on the couch, so there's a special "Molly couch" which has he little pink dog blanket on it. She used to wait until we'd all gone to bed before she'd get up on the lounge, but now she'll come in, lie on her bed for about 10 minutes, then decide she'd been there long enough and go climb on the lounge :P
What is up, and such young people pleasantries.
I'm feeling pretty 90's white tonight, after an intense white-man dance off with my mum in the kitchen earlier to the delightful sounds of S Club 7, the ultimate bang of my childhood.
We had a practice AST test (it's like the big test that all the schools in Canberra (except of Canberra Grammar because they are weird like that) do to like scale shit or something (I reeaally pay attention when teachers talk about it)) and we had to do it in the gym because there were so many of us, and for the first and most boring (who wants to do 2.5 hours of multiple choice questions, half of which I swear to God where about fish...) it was absolutely freezing! I'd worn this adorable vintage Snoopy and Woodstock shirt, and no one got to see it, because I had to keep my jacket on and wind my scarf twice and zip everything up and I was stiiiiill shivering! So that was a super exciting enjoyable day...but then I came home to great excitement from my lovely dog, so I thought I'd write about her <3
Also, if you didn't get the title it's the punchline of a joke about dogs:
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend,
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read!
ahahaha...funny right :P
So, my dog's name is Molly. She's old, like 14 years or some such unreasonable age for a dog. She's mostly deaf and mostly blind, so if you stand behind her and say her name really loud, she won't even react, which is kind of funny when you creep up behind her and scare her :P She's a...kelpie? I want to say kelpie. I'm pretty sure that's right. So yes, she's a kelpie, and she used to be a farm dog, but she got to old and so the farmer put her up for adoption and we adopted her. 
When she was a puppy she got hit by a motorbike, so one of her ears is permanently bent over backwards, and she walks kind of funny, but other than that's she's a pretty well functioning dog.She's pretty much the dog equivalent of me- lazy, always hungry and hates doing what she's told. The only time she ever runs is for food or if mum yells at her to go to her bed. She has a little dog bed, but she never uses it. She believes it is her right to sleep on the couch, so there's a special "Molly couch" which has he little pink dog blanket on it. She used to wait until we'd all gone to bed before she'd get up on the lounge, but now she'll come in, lie on her bed for about 10 minutes, then decide she'd been there long enough and go climb on the lounge :P
She's kind of insane, and a massive attention whore. Visitors always make the mistake of patting her when they arrive, and then she won't leave them alone for the rest of the night, but she has finally understood that doesn't work with us, and if she get's annoying then we'll just playfully push her over, which she finds hilarious and just lies on the ground for a bit, before having a little rolling spaz trying to bite the carpet.
There's not really much more to say about her...she's insane, old and fat, but we all love her to bits <3
I have a party tomorrow (woot yeah!) so probs no post tomorrow unless I do one during the day...we shall see, depends how good you guys are ;P
Also, sorry for the kind of crappy picture quality, they're just photos off my phone, but look how cuuute she is! ;3
Nighty night,
Nighty night,
Sleep tight,
Don't let the bedbugs bite!
Don't let the bedbugs bite!
xoxo
Friday 3 May 2013
It's me, but not. (ooh, trickyyy ;P)
Okay, that is actually cray. I was on here like 2/3 hours ago and there was one pageview today, and now suddenly there's 14 ;o that's the second most I've ever had! You go Glen Coco (you are Glen Coco, just btw ;P)
I want to give you guys a present for being awesome, but I don't know what ;c
I don't really have much to say today, I just wanted to share how proud I was of myself for having people reading my blog ;3
I was going to tell you guys a *very exciting* story about my current struggle and torment with the horrible-ness that is iTunes, but then I realised it was an incredibly boring story, so I won't tell that story, unless there is a particular want for that story, in which case I will, because I'm pretty much up to writing about anything you guys want, you just have to say the word, but up until that point I shall not tell the incredibly un-riveting story of my poor iPod.
Instead I am going to tell you a lovely magical story called: The story of my best friend (and I...becoming friends and being friends and shit, because #yolo that's why)
yaaay! ;P
So, I met my best friend for the first time on my first day of high school back in Australia after living in Vienna for three and a half years, and I was totally #devo about moving back, because I had really awesome friends and I lived in an amazing city, and I was like "Australia is going to be totally crap compared to this and I'm not going to have any friends (because, let's face it, I'm not the type of person who's particularly good at making new friends...) and it's going to be totally crappy." And I was sort of right. Canberra is pretty crap compared to Vienna as a city, but I love the friends I eventually
made, to absolute pieces, like I couldn't imagine having better friends (for the most part anyways) but it wasn't always like this. I was shown around the school by a lovely girl by the name of Heidi, and she was lovely and let me sit with her and her friends for the first couple of weeks, and she was actually the one to introduce me to Anna.
We were outside of my french class and Heidi didn't have class with me, and she was like "This is Anna, she's really nice. I have to go to class" and then she left me to fend for myself. Now, to put this in context. I was in a new school. I'd been there for like two hours and I've never been good at talking to people I don't know and suddenly I was expected to talk to this girl I'd never met, who for the record is also shit at talking to people she doesn't know (though she is better than me) so we had a little stinted conversation and then her friends (who are now all my other friends :P) and she talked to them and I was there by myself. They sort of tried to include me, but only in that way where you try to include someone because it'd be really rude not to, but I got that and I didn't mind, because I knew their feel.
And then it was time to go into class and they all went and sat at a table together, and then suddenly the table was full and I just thought "well shit." so I sat at a table by myself. Talk about social suicide, right? But we moved on from that incident, two other people sat with me and I looked less like a total loser :P
So to begin with I thought Anna was a bit of a bitch, but obvs that changed ;P
A couple of weeks later I went on writer's camp (yep, not a total loser ;P) and that's where I met someone else, who shall remain nameless, but we became really close friends over those couple of days, and so I started to hang out with her and her friends at lunch time instead. So though we're not friends any more, I really owe a whole lot to her, and I'm actually pretty cut that we're not friends any more, because I did consider her one of my best friends, but oh well. I guess that's life, right?
Anyway, after that I started talking to Anna more and more, and soon enough we realised that we were pretty much the same person, just in two different bodies, like that whole ancient greek belief thing in which people are actually born with two heads and four arms and legs, and then they were split and they have to find their other half, well that's us. Which I know sounds corny, and like what everyone says in high school, but there are just some people you know are going to be in your life until the end. And that girl is my person. Not even a question.
So we've been friends now for about...well only about three years, but it feels like I've just always known her. It's quite strange actually. We spent the last two years of high school being *bestest buds* and that remains now.
We've dealt with a multitude of boys (two boyfriends for her and a couple of crushes, three boyfriends for me, and a plethora of crushes because that's just how I roll ;)), we've dealt with bitchy girls at school, problems at home and family shit. We've had so many in jokes that I can't even remember most of them, and we can have entire conversations just in looks, no words needed. When her boyfriend of a year broke up with her, she called me at eight pm, and I was over there 20 minutes later, ice cream, chocolate and Tim Tams in hand. And when they got back together, I was sceptical, but supportive, and remain supportive to this day, many months on. When I fell for guys I could never have, she's stuck by me, told me to go for it if she actually thought I had a chance, or told me to stop being an idiot if she knew I didn't. I went to the coast for a week with her Dad's family the summer before last, and it was one of my favourite weeks ever. Her mums' (yes, that is correct grammar, two mums at that house ;P) house is practically a second home to me, and my house the same thing for her. It's even gotten to the point where people (mainly my brother) are convinced we are secretly a couple because we're that close.
So yeah, some how this completely insane little platinum blonde girl has become my life line. The most important person in my life. If I have something I can't tell anyone, I can tell her, and she probably already knows, because she just knows me that well. She's like the older sister I've never had, sharing her life wisdom with me, but also like my little sister too, I would do anything to stop her from getting hurt.
So, ultra cheesy post, but you know, if you're going to know about my life, it's pretty much necessary that you know about Anna too, because anything that happens, she's a part of.
Okay:
1) sorry if this is really weirdly formatted, it was fine, but then it wasn't and I tried to fix it, but then I couldn't figure it out, and it's past midnight, and I have school tomorrow, so I need to go to bed...so maybe I'll try fix it tomorrow, but for now I'll just put it up, because even if it looks a bit funny, it's the content that counts, yeah? yeah.
2) this post has literally taken me forever, and in that time it's gone up to 29 pageviews ;OOO woohoo! Ultimate Glen Coco-ness!
3) If there's anything you want me to write about, please tell me, otherwise I'll just talk about random crap for the rest of forever, and I wouldn't want to bore people, so yeah!
Okay, bed time now 100% (I am so tired I almost just wrote percent after the % :P)
nighty night!
Keep being awesome!
xoxo
~edit (3/5/13) I fixed the formatting problems, which means it looks different, but content is still the same, dw!~
I want to give you guys a present for being awesome, but I don't know what ;c
I don't really have much to say today, I just wanted to share how proud I was of myself for having people reading my blog ;3
I was going to tell you guys a *very exciting* story about my current struggle and torment with the horrible-ness that is iTunes, but then I realised it was an incredibly boring story, so I won't tell that story, unless there is a particular want for that story, in which case I will, because I'm pretty much up to writing about anything you guys want, you just have to say the word, but up until that point I shall not tell the incredibly un-riveting story of my poor iPod.
Instead I am going to tell you a lovely magical story called: The story of my best friend (and I...becoming friends and being friends and shit, because #yolo that's why)
yaaay! ;P
made, to absolute pieces, like I couldn't imagine having better friends (for the most part anyways) but it wasn't always like this. I was shown around the school by a lovely girl by the name of Heidi, and she was lovely and let me sit with her and her friends for the first couple of weeks, and she was actually the one to introduce me to Anna.
And then it was time to go into class and they all went and sat at a table together, and then suddenly the table was full and I just thought "well shit." so I sat at a table by myself. Talk about social suicide, right? But we moved on from that incident, two other people sat with me and I looked less like a total loser :P
So to begin with I thought Anna was a bit of a bitch, but obvs that changed ;P
A couple of weeks later I went on writer's camp (yep, not a total loser ;P) and that's where I met someone else, who shall remain nameless, but we became really close friends over those couple of days, and so I started to hang out with her and her friends at lunch time instead. So though we're not friends any more, I really owe a whole lot to her, and I'm actually pretty cut that we're not friends any more, because I did consider her one of my best friends, but oh well. I guess that's life, right?
Anyway, after that I started talking to Anna more and more, and soon enough we realised that we were pretty much the same person, just in two different bodies, like that whole ancient greek belief thing in which people are actually born with two heads and four arms and legs, and then they were split and they have to find their other half, well that's us. Which I know sounds corny, and like what everyone says in high school, but there are just some people you know are going to be in your life until the end. And that girl is my person. Not even a question.
We've dealt with a multitude of boys (two boyfriends for her and a couple of crushes, three boyfriends for me, and a plethora of crushes because that's just how I roll ;)), we've dealt with bitchy girls at school, problems at home and family shit. We've had so many in jokes that I can't even remember most of them, and we can have entire conversations just in looks, no words needed. When her boyfriend of a year broke up with her, she called me at eight pm, and I was over there 20 minutes later, ice cream, chocolate and Tim Tams in hand. And when they got back together, I was sceptical, but supportive, and remain supportive to this day, many months on. When I fell for guys I could never have, she's stuck by me, told me to go for it if she actually thought I had a chance, or told me to stop being an idiot if she knew I didn't. I went to the coast for a week with her Dad's family the summer before last, and it was one of my favourite weeks ever. Her mums' (yes, that is correct grammar, two mums at that house ;P) house is practically a second home to me, and my house the same thing for her. It's even gotten to the point where people (mainly my brother) are convinced we are secretly a couple because we're that close.
So yeah, some how this completely insane little platinum blonde girl has become my life line. The most important person in my life. If I have something I can't tell anyone, I can tell her, and she probably already knows, because she just knows me that well. She's like the older sister I've never had, sharing her life wisdom with me, but also like my little sister too, I would do anything to stop her from getting hurt.
So, ultra cheesy post, but you know, if you're going to know about my life, it's pretty much necessary that you know about Anna too, because anything that happens, she's a part of.
Okay:
1) sorry if this is really weirdly formatted, it was fine, but then it wasn't and I tried to fix it, but then I couldn't figure it out, and it's past midnight, and I have school tomorrow, so I need to go to bed...so maybe I'll try fix it tomorrow, but for now I'll just put it up, because even if it looks a bit funny, it's the content that counts, yeah? yeah.
2) this post has literally taken me forever, and in that time it's gone up to 29 pageviews ;OOO woohoo! Ultimate Glen Coco-ness!
3) If there's anything you want me to write about, please tell me, otherwise I'll just talk about random crap for the rest of forever, and I wouldn't want to bore people, so yeah!
Okay, bed time now 100% (I am so tired I almost just wrote percent after the % :P)
nighty night!
Keep being awesome!
xoxo
~edit (3/5/13) I fixed the formatting problems, which means it looks different, but content is still the same, dw!~
Tuesday 30 April 2013
Are you afraid of the dark? Because I am.
Yes, I admit it, I am afraid of the dark.
Hello, and welcome to "How to be pathetic at 17 with Emily".
There are really five major things that I'm scared of. As in sick to my stomach, tiny (or massive) panic attack want to cry scared. And here they are:
Spiders:
HolymotherofGod I hate spiders. Words cannot describe the deep-seated gut wrenching fear I have had for spiders for as long as I can remember. Even the tiny ones freak me out and make me feel sick to my stomach. At New Year's I was down the coast visiting family and my Dad's cousin thought it would be fun to pick up this giant Huntsman that was chillin outside and let all the kids play with it, because while it is huge and hairy and creepy and terrifying, it is, in all fairness, completely harmless. If it bites you it'll hurt, but that's about it. But that is not why I'm scared of spiders, oh no. I'm scared because they are the sort of creature that only Satan himself could have designed, and then immediately regretted. So the kids are all outside playing with the big creepy spider, and I'm peacefully inside texting people, when suddenly I hear a little "Emilyyy" I look up, not seeing the adorable face of my three year old cousin-y-person (he's related to me somehow...) instead there is Satan's nightmare perched on two tiny hands right near my face. I scream and jump out of my seat, knocking it to the ground in the process, which elicits laughter from the children and my Dad's cousin. I retreat away from the spider, feeling like I might have just escaped with my life. Suddenly a voice from outside calls out the words that destroyed my short lived piece of mind: "Bailey, why don't you take it to her?"
My mind went blank with a sudden panic that overshadowed everything that had happened in my life up until this point. I didn't even have the sense to remember that while terrifying, this spider was not at all poisonous, nor aggressive, as it sat placidly on the hands of a three year old. No. All my mind could tell me was: "This is it. This is how you die. This is the end." My saviour came in the form of a quick burst of inspiration: run. And so I did. I turned and I ran from a giggling toddler. I ran to my room and went to lock the door and jump on the bed and break down, but ohno. ohgodno. There was no lock. I could hear the giggles at my door now. I would have to hold the door closed to prevent this hell bent child controlled by the urge to see the panic on my face and the voice of his father from entering my haven with the best from hell. And then I hear the words that were the undoing of my last shred of dignity: "Put it under the door Bailey." I see the little pink finger tips suddenly emerge under my door. I move as far away from the door as I can without letting go of the handle. Logically I know that since the fingers can barely fit under, there's no way that the spider could, but logic holds no power over me any more. "BAILEY GO AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY BAILEY! NO! STOP! STOP NOW BAILEY!" I screech (an atrocious sound, but under the circumstances, perfectly justified) finally the fingers leave and I hear his angel of a mother calling him away and admonishing him for terrorizing his cousin. I let go of the door finally and collapse on my bed shaking.
I don't like spiders.
Birds:
Birds are scary. Like seriously, you can't tell what they're thinking. If a dog is about to attack you, you can tell, with a bird you can't tell until it's too late and they've just impaled the back of your head with their razor sharp beaks. I don't mind small birds, or birds that don't, well, look like "birds" (for example: chickens, ducks, flamingos, geese, swans, emus, penguins, etc.) It's just the medium sized bird shaped ones. Especially magpies and crows. Magpies have the evil swooping reputation, and crows just look like they are the harbingers of death and evil. The main reason I first became afraid of birds was we were at the beach having fish and chips, as you do, and as is customary, a flock of seagulls had surrounded us, looking for any scraps we might be unfortunate enough to drop. There was one seagull though, that didn't squawk (that looks totally wrong, but I googled it and google said that's how you spell it, and I trust google) or flap around like the others. It just stood there, still as a statue with eyes as black as death and a soul equally dark. This evil black eyed seagull didn't stop there however. The torture of it's incessant stare did not end when we had finished eating and departed that particular place on the beach, no. This seagull, soul as black as night and intentions that would put the most hardened criminal to shame, followed us around the beach for the better part of an hour. By the end of this hour I was, to put it mildly: freaking the fuck out. No one believed me that this seagull had been following us. No one believed I'd seen pure evil in it's eyes and the heart of a killer. Oh no. They went merrily along on their way, oblivious to the new evil I had found in this world- birds.
Heights:
This one's pretty normal tbh. Heights are a very logical thing to be scared of, I mean if you fall you die, so yeah. Though a lot of people I know who are "ohmygosh, I'm terrified of heights, they are the worst" are, by my standards not afraid of heights. The three metre diving board in swimming lessons reduced me to tears. I don't even like looking down over my 160cm (shorter than me) high loft bed. I'm kind of pathetic :P
Shower drains:
This is probably my most unusual fear, but it's also less acute than the others, this is a fear more out of habit and an all consuming fear when I was younger than something that terrifies me personally now. But I physically cannot bring myself to stand on the drain in the shower. If I do it by accident I have a mini heart attack and think I'm about to die for a second, leaping off (veeeery safe in the shower) and taking a minute to calm back down. This, very odd fear, originated when I was six or seven, we were on holidays at a beach resort in Puerto Galera in the Philippines. This was our go to holiday spot when we lived in the Philippines and it got to the point where all the staff knew us, and every time that we left the bartender (who absolutely loved me) would jokingly ask my parents if they could just leave me there until they next returned on holidays. So we had the same beach house that we had every time, a house that seemed almost like a second home to me, and after a lovely day on the beach I came home to have a shower before dinner. I entered the bathroom and went to turn on the shower to warm up when I saw it. There, in the bottom of the shower was the most horrific creature I had ever seen to that day. It was a big, black, worm like creature with a jet black mane around what I could only assume was it's face, though I did not get close enough to inspect. I ran out of that room faster than I'd ever run in my little life, screaming for my mother. She came running, thinking I'd somehow grievously injured myself, which wouldn't be the first time, instead she found me in tears, blubbering incoherently about this manifestation of evil itself sitting in the shower. She went to inspect what all the fuss was about, and upon finding, what I can now only assume was a rather large black caterpillar, washed it down the drain with little fuss. To me however, this was an unacceptable disposal of the monster, how did she know it wouldn't come back to seek out revenge on the person who had so callously washed it away, and me, being the nearest person as I bathed, would be but it's first victim in a quest to rid the word of the person who had tried to kill it. My mother simply laughed at me and told me to have my shower or I'd be late for dinner, but ever since that day I haven't been able to completely shake the feeling that that creature mutated during it's time in the drain and is just waiting for the perfect time to enact it's revenge.
The dark:
This one's kind of hard to explain, because it's not the dark I'm scared of necessarily, it's more what's in the dark. And I'm not sure if it's the supernatural side of the things-that-go-bump-in-the-dark that I'm scared of, or the actual people side of it that scares me, but I think it's a bit of both. The people aspect is an underlying fear that I've had for years that someone is going to break into our house while we're all asleep and steal all our stuff and also potentially, well there's no nice way to say this- kill us. I watched a show when I was young where that happened and it freaked me out, and there was this one girl who'd had her throat slit, but they hadn't done it properly, and she had to wait till they left then go to the neighbour's house and it was like the worst thing I'd ever seen, so when my brother thinks it's a good idea to walk around upstairs at two in the morning that is my first thought. My second is Slenderman. Ever since my friends forced me to play the game and then watch Marble Hornets (a YouTube documentary type thing about him) he has freaked me out to no end. Even writing about him now is freaking me out. So I'm going to stop because I feel a mini panic attack coming on...but yeah, ghosts and that sort of supernatural stuff freak me out too, and I can now barely walk from the light switch at one end of the kitchen to the lounge room at the other end with the lights off without freaking out. It's really bad. My mum said the same thing happened to her at around this age, so I'm really hoping it will pass, because this is starting to affect my sleeping when I can get to sleep because of real and imagined noises and the horrifying things my imagination can conjure up.
Well, that's my list of fears. I'm now sufficiently freaked out after writing that, and with perfect timing to- at 11:27 on a school night it's my bed time...ohgosh :P
Okay well I'm off to bed to try and get some sleep...
Bye bye now, y'all be sure to come back! (*insert your best southern accent here*)
(night ;P)
xoxo
Hello, and welcome to "How to be pathetic at 17 with Emily".
There are really five major things that I'm scared of. As in sick to my stomach, tiny (or massive) panic attack want to cry scared. And here they are:
Spiders:
HolymotherofGod I hate spiders. Words cannot describe the deep-seated gut wrenching fear I have had for spiders for as long as I can remember. Even the tiny ones freak me out and make me feel sick to my stomach. At New Year's I was down the coast visiting family and my Dad's cousin thought it would be fun to pick up this giant Huntsman that was chillin outside and let all the kids play with it, because while it is huge and hairy and creepy and terrifying, it is, in all fairness, completely harmless. If it bites you it'll hurt, but that's about it. But that is not why I'm scared of spiders, oh no. I'm scared because they are the sort of creature that only Satan himself could have designed, and then immediately regretted. So the kids are all outside playing with the big creepy spider, and I'm peacefully inside texting people, when suddenly I hear a little "Emilyyy" I look up, not seeing the adorable face of my three year old cousin-y-person (he's related to me somehow...) instead there is Satan's nightmare perched on two tiny hands right near my face. I scream and jump out of my seat, knocking it to the ground in the process, which elicits laughter from the children and my Dad's cousin. I retreat away from the spider, feeling like I might have just escaped with my life. Suddenly a voice from outside calls out the words that destroyed my short lived piece of mind: "Bailey, why don't you take it to her?"
My mind went blank with a sudden panic that overshadowed everything that had happened in my life up until this point. I didn't even have the sense to remember that while terrifying, this spider was not at all poisonous, nor aggressive, as it sat placidly on the hands of a three year old. No. All my mind could tell me was: "This is it. This is how you die. This is the end." My saviour came in the form of a quick burst of inspiration: run. And so I did. I turned and I ran from a giggling toddler. I ran to my room and went to lock the door and jump on the bed and break down, but ohno. ohgodno. There was no lock. I could hear the giggles at my door now. I would have to hold the door closed to prevent this hell bent child controlled by the urge to see the panic on my face and the voice of his father from entering my haven with the best from hell. And then I hear the words that were the undoing of my last shred of dignity: "Put it under the door Bailey." I see the little pink finger tips suddenly emerge under my door. I move as far away from the door as I can without letting go of the handle. Logically I know that since the fingers can barely fit under, there's no way that the spider could, but logic holds no power over me any more. "BAILEY GO AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY BAILEY! NO! STOP! STOP NOW BAILEY!" I screech (an atrocious sound, but under the circumstances, perfectly justified) finally the fingers leave and I hear his angel of a mother calling him away and admonishing him for terrorizing his cousin. I let go of the door finally and collapse on my bed shaking.
I don't like spiders.
Birds:
Heights:
This one's pretty normal tbh. Heights are a very logical thing to be scared of, I mean if you fall you die, so yeah. Though a lot of people I know who are "ohmygosh, I'm terrified of heights, they are the worst" are, by my standards not afraid of heights. The three metre diving board in swimming lessons reduced me to tears. I don't even like looking down over my 160cm (shorter than me) high loft bed. I'm kind of pathetic :P
Shower drains:
This is probably my most unusual fear, but it's also less acute than the others, this is a fear more out of habit and an all consuming fear when I was younger than something that terrifies me personally now. But I physically cannot bring myself to stand on the drain in the shower. If I do it by accident I have a mini heart attack and think I'm about to die for a second, leaping off (veeeery safe in the shower) and taking a minute to calm back down. This, very odd fear, originated when I was six or seven, we were on holidays at a beach resort in Puerto Galera in the Philippines. This was our go to holiday spot when we lived in the Philippines and it got to the point where all the staff knew us, and every time that we left the bartender (who absolutely loved me) would jokingly ask my parents if they could just leave me there until they next returned on holidays. So we had the same beach house that we had every time, a house that seemed almost like a second home to me, and after a lovely day on the beach I came home to have a shower before dinner. I entered the bathroom and went to turn on the shower to warm up when I saw it. There, in the bottom of the shower was the most horrific creature I had ever seen to that day. It was a big, black, worm like creature with a jet black mane around what I could only assume was it's face, though I did not get close enough to inspect. I ran out of that room faster than I'd ever run in my little life, screaming for my mother. She came running, thinking I'd somehow grievously injured myself, which wouldn't be the first time, instead she found me in tears, blubbering incoherently about this manifestation of evil itself sitting in the shower. She went to inspect what all the fuss was about, and upon finding, what I can now only assume was a rather large black caterpillar, washed it down the drain with little fuss. To me however, this was an unacceptable disposal of the monster, how did she know it wouldn't come back to seek out revenge on the person who had so callously washed it away, and me, being the nearest person as I bathed, would be but it's first victim in a quest to rid the word of the person who had tried to kill it. My mother simply laughed at me and told me to have my shower or I'd be late for dinner, but ever since that day I haven't been able to completely shake the feeling that that creature mutated during it's time in the drain and is just waiting for the perfect time to enact it's revenge.The dark:
This one's kind of hard to explain, because it's not the dark I'm scared of necessarily, it's more what's in the dark. And I'm not sure if it's the supernatural side of the things-that-go-bump-in-the-dark that I'm scared of, or the actual people side of it that scares me, but I think it's a bit of both. The people aspect is an underlying fear that I've had for years that someone is going to break into our house while we're all asleep and steal all our stuff and also potentially, well there's no nice way to say this- kill us. I watched a show when I was young where that happened and it freaked me out, and there was this one girl who'd had her throat slit, but they hadn't done it properly, and she had to wait till they left then go to the neighbour's house and it was like the worst thing I'd ever seen, so when my brother thinks it's a good idea to walk around upstairs at two in the morning that is my first thought. My second is Slenderman. Ever since my friends forced me to play the game and then watch Marble Hornets (a YouTube documentary type thing about him) he has freaked me out to no end. Even writing about him now is freaking me out. So I'm going to stop because I feel a mini panic attack coming on...but yeah, ghosts and that sort of supernatural stuff freak me out too, and I can now barely walk from the light switch at one end of the kitchen to the lounge room at the other end with the lights off without freaking out. It's really bad. My mum said the same thing happened to her at around this age, so I'm really hoping it will pass, because this is starting to affect my sleeping when I can get to sleep because of real and imagined noises and the horrifying things my imagination can conjure up.
Well, that's my list of fears. I'm now sufficiently freaked out after writing that, and with perfect timing to- at 11:27 on a school night it's my bed time...ohgosh :P
Okay well I'm off to bed to try and get some sleep...
Bye bye now, y'all be sure to come back! (*insert your best southern accent here*)
(night ;P)
xoxo
Friday 26 April 2013
Oops I did it again...
Heyo Party People, what's happening?
I'm on holidays at the moment, so that would normally mean doing absolutely nothing but internetting, but shock-o-horror, that hasn't been the case these holidays! ;o I've actually been leaving the house and seeing actual people! I've been out for breakfast and lunch and shopping and eating Ben & Jerry's at my best buddy Khalia's house (which was delicious and hilarious- we watched the Adventurous Adventures of One Direction 2, which is equally as hilarious as the first one ;)) and I went to the Iron Man 3 midnight premiere which was AMAZING! ohmygoodness it's a fantastic movie! I just can't even handle how amazing it was, I wanted to go see it again tonight, but Khalia bailed on me to hang out with her mum, because that's what my life is ;P And tomorrow morning I'm going to the Pancake Parlour for breakfast (again) for which I am tres excited ;) (For those of you who don't know, the Pancake Parlour is this really cool vintage sort of style restaurant thing where they pretty much just sell different varieties of pancakes and pancake varieties...even savoury ones! ;o Not that I've tried the savoury ones, I normally just go for strawberries, icecream and chocolate fudge sauce- because who wouldn't? ;D)
Today was half lame half pretty good though, cause I had to work, which was lame, and I had to start at 6:30 in the morning, so I had to wake up at 5:30 when it was still legits middle of the night pitch black outside, which was super duper lame, but work was actually kind of fun today, and I got to talk to the hot new boy quite a bit, which is always a bonus ;)
Anywayyyyyys, I'm not here to write about my holidays, because while they are exciting by my standards, by regular standards they are kind of boring, and I would hate to bore people! Not that what I'm writing about will probably be thaaaat much more interesting, but oh well.
The title, which until now hasn't made much sense (though how could I resist a bit of early Brit? ;P) shall now all make sense! What I've stupidly done again is I've gained and unhealthy and irrational attachment to someone I don't even know. I do this reeeaaally more than I should, though sometimes it's to a much more severe degree than other times, this time though, I've got it bad. Which kind of sucks, but at the same time, he's just perf <3 I'm not actually going to say who he is, because that'd be weird and then people who are not me would know and I just feel like that could end badly, because...yeah. But have you ever just seen someone in like a movie, or an interview or on YouTube and just thought, "Yep. We could work. There is definite potential here" Well that's what happens to me all the freeeaaaking time, because apparently I could just go out with anyone, yeah? loljk. But I just get like really attached, and am like "ohmygosh, they like food! I like food! Soulmates!" Which is totally normal right? But I'll get over it, either that or we get together, who knows ;P
The reason this is such a huge problem though, is because while I'm emotionally invested in these people who I've never met, I struggle to fall for "real" people, which rn would be nice...because while I am incredibly good at being single, I'm kind of over it...
Well I felt like I had more to write there, but without getting creepy or weird and going into why we are totally right for each other I guess there's not much more to say...
It's so bad, I'm getting so used to the autocorrect on my iPhone, that if I type something wrong on my computer now I just expect it to fix itself, which it doesn't, so sorry for any really obvious typos I miss :P
Anyway, I've been awake for about 18.5 hours, and it really doesn't agree with me :P
So nighty night!
xoxo
I'm on holidays at the moment, so that would normally mean doing absolutely nothing but internetting, but shock-o-horror, that hasn't been the case these holidays! ;o I've actually been leaving the house and seeing actual people! I've been out for breakfast and lunch and shopping and eating Ben & Jerry's at my best buddy Khalia's house (which was delicious and hilarious- we watched the Adventurous Adventures of One Direction 2, which is equally as hilarious as the first one ;)) and I went to the Iron Man 3 midnight premiere which was AMAZING! ohmygoodness it's a fantastic movie! I just can't even handle how amazing it was, I wanted to go see it again tonight, but Khalia bailed on me to hang out with her mum, because that's what my life is ;P And tomorrow morning I'm going to the Pancake Parlour for breakfast (again) for which I am tres excited ;) (For those of you who don't know, the Pancake Parlour is this really cool vintage sort of style restaurant thing where they pretty much just sell different varieties of pancakes and pancake varieties...even savoury ones! ;o Not that I've tried the savoury ones, I normally just go for strawberries, icecream and chocolate fudge sauce- because who wouldn't? ;D)
Today was half lame half pretty good though, cause I had to work, which was lame, and I had to start at 6:30 in the morning, so I had to wake up at 5:30 when it was still legits middle of the night pitch black outside, which was super duper lame, but work was actually kind of fun today, and I got to talk to the hot new boy quite a bit, which is always a bonus ;)
Anywayyyyyys, I'm not here to write about my holidays, because while they are exciting by my standards, by regular standards they are kind of boring, and I would hate to bore people! Not that what I'm writing about will probably be thaaaat much more interesting, but oh well.
The title, which until now hasn't made much sense (though how could I resist a bit of early Brit? ;P) shall now all make sense! What I've stupidly done again is I've gained and unhealthy and irrational attachment to someone I don't even know. I do this reeeaaally more than I should, though sometimes it's to a much more severe degree than other times, this time though, I've got it bad. Which kind of sucks, but at the same time, he's just perf <3 I'm not actually going to say who he is, because that'd be weird and then people who are not me would know and I just feel like that could end badly, because...yeah. But have you ever just seen someone in like a movie, or an interview or on YouTube and just thought, "Yep. We could work. There is definite potential here" Well that's what happens to me all the freeeaaaking time, because apparently I could just go out with anyone, yeah? loljk. But I just get like really attached, and am like "ohmygosh, they like food! I like food! Soulmates!" Which is totally normal right? But I'll get over it, either that or we get together, who knows ;P The reason this is such a huge problem though, is because while I'm emotionally invested in these people who I've never met, I struggle to fall for "real" people, which rn would be nice...because while I am incredibly good at being single, I'm kind of over it...
Well I felt like I had more to write there, but without getting creepy or weird and going into why we are totally right for each other I guess there's not much more to say...
It's so bad, I'm getting so used to the autocorrect on my iPhone, that if I type something wrong on my computer now I just expect it to fix itself, which it doesn't, so sorry for any really obvious typos I miss :P
Anyway, I've been awake for about 18.5 hours, and it really doesn't agree with me :P
So nighty night!
xoxo
Monday 22 April 2013
Taking white to a whole new level...
Hey guys! What's uppp?! I super duper excited because I've had 17 pageviews just today, which is like an all time high for me (kind of sad I know, but hey, I'm happy ;P) but ohmygoodness a huge thank you to those people in America and Germany and wherever else you are! It means heaps to me that you can actually be bothered to read my stuff, so thanksssss!! Hugs to you all! And you should totally comment on stuff, just so I know you haven't accidentally just stumbled upon this and been like "oops, lol no this isn't what I was looking for" and then left, because that would be tragique :c
Anyway, this is not what I wanted to write about today...today I wanted to write about the problems of being white, and I don't mean like white as in Caucasian, cause I don't need to deal with race inequality and racism on here right atm (though I am totally against both) I mean being actually literally white. Like I'm so pale I glow in the dark sort of white... If this packet of crayons was the spectrum of human skin tones (as it is supposed to be) then I'd legits be that little white one hiding in the corner.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind being pale so much, I feel like I'd look very very strange if I was tan, but it's the things that come with being so pale that drive me nuts.
First of all it is imposssssible to find foundation that fits my skin tone. The number of brands in which I've tried the lightest shade only to find it significantly too dark makes me weep a bit inside. I resorted to using bb creams instead of foundation, because the coverage is so much less that I can get away with it not quiiiite being the right shade, then I've got really cheap translucent powder that is less translucent as actually white, so that pales the make up back down a bit so it looks slightly less dodgy, but it's still noticeably kind of dodgy. I've finally found a foundation that's the right shade after giving up looking for myself and going to an expensive make up shop and begging them to help me, but of course because it's me the only foundation I've found that's light enough is $70. I mean really, like I can afford that...but I've tried all the cheaper brands and that shit ain't gonna work, so I have to go with this, though thankfully my bestest bud is in America on a family holiday at the moment, so I made her buy me lots of nice make up for a fraction of the price it'd cost to get it here (the foundation is $44 USD, so abouuuut that in Australian dollars with the current exchange rate). The foundation is NARS Sheer Glow foundation in Mont Blanc (I mean it's got the word white in the name!) just btw...it's the second lightest shade in the collection, but it's pretty much as pale as the palest, it's just this one has a pinky undertone and the other one has a yellow undertone (bam! Make up knowledge right there! Thank you YouTube ;))
The next infuriating thing is how easily I get sunburnt, like holy crap. I don't tan. I am the exact same colour in winter as I am in summer. If you ever see me with any sort of a tan, you know I've cheated :P I can literally spend five minutes in the sun without sunscreen on and I'll get burnt, maybe not badly, but definitely burnt. I go through summer with weird red patches on my skin from wearing singlets of cut out tops, I literally look like a candy cane... And then I don't even get the slight reward once the incredibly painful bright red sunburn is gone of a tan. Nope. Straight back to white. So I apply layer upon layer of sunscreen, if only to minimise the amount of sunburn I get... We went to the pool once this summer (I really wanted to go more, but my friends are laaaaame ;P) and every hour I'd get out of the pool with Anna (afore mentioned best friend) to reapply two coats of +50 SPF sunscreen...it was ridicks.
The last really annoying thing about being so pale is the people who pretend to be pale. I just don't get it, if I could be at least a little not white then I would be, but then there are people who wear foundation 3 shades too light (and then you can see that their face is a completely different colour to the rest of them) because they think it's cool to be pale... wut. I mean I know that we internet dwellers set a high standard for cool, and thus people try to mimic us, such as trying to get the well earned palour of our skin tone from hours inside on the computer instead of outside in the sun, but really. The fact that I'm as pale as I am doesn't really have much to do with how much time I spend on the internet...I spend almost every lunch time and recess chillin outside, and if I could internet in the sun I 10/10 would, I'm like a cat in that way. But yeah, I don't understand people who try to be pale, and then you see photos of them with other people and they just look ridiculous...but yeah, do whatever you like people.
Anyway, that's my rant about being a pale person. It sucks, but after years of dealing with it, I'm finally embracing my inner polar bear and rocking the white ;)
I'm trying to do a post every day this week because I'm on holidays and don't have anything else to do...kidding! I'd totally do this even if I had a ridiculous amount of stuff to do (which I totally do ohgod why do I procrastinate so much?!) so I'll see you cool kids tomorrow!
TTFN! (if you don't know what is means- shame on you! ;o)
xoxo
Anyway, this is not what I wanted to write about today...today I wanted to write about the problems of being white, and I don't mean like white as in Caucasian, cause I don't need to deal with race inequality and racism on here right atm (though I am totally against both) I mean being actually literally white. Like I'm so pale I glow in the dark sort of white... If this packet of crayons was the spectrum of human skin tones (as it is supposed to be) then I'd legits be that little white one hiding in the corner.Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind being pale so much, I feel like I'd look very very strange if I was tan, but it's the things that come with being so pale that drive me nuts.
First of all it is imposssssible to find foundation that fits my skin tone. The number of brands in which I've tried the lightest shade only to find it significantly too dark makes me weep a bit inside. I resorted to using bb creams instead of foundation, because the coverage is so much less that I can get away with it not quiiiite being the right shade, then I've got really cheap translucent powder that is less translucent as actually white, so that pales the make up back down a bit so it looks slightly less dodgy, but it's still noticeably kind of dodgy. I've finally found a foundation that's the right shade after giving up looking for myself and going to an expensive make up shop and begging them to help me, but of course because it's me the only foundation I've found that's light enough is $70. I mean really, like I can afford that...but I've tried all the cheaper brands and that shit ain't gonna work, so I have to go with this, though thankfully my bestest bud is in America on a family holiday at the moment, so I made her buy me lots of nice make up for a fraction of the price it'd cost to get it here (the foundation is $44 USD, so abouuuut that in Australian dollars with the current exchange rate). The foundation is NARS Sheer Glow foundation in Mont Blanc (I mean it's got the word white in the name!) just btw...it's the second lightest shade in the collection, but it's pretty much as pale as the palest, it's just this one has a pinky undertone and the other one has a yellow undertone (bam! Make up knowledge right there! Thank you YouTube ;)) |
| Aww, look! It's a heart! ;3 |
The last really annoying thing about being so pale is the people who pretend to be pale. I just don't get it, if I could be at least a little not white then I would be, but then there are people who wear foundation 3 shades too light (and then you can see that their face is a completely different colour to the rest of them) because they think it's cool to be pale... wut. I mean I know that we internet dwellers set a high standard for cool, and thus people try to mimic us, such as trying to get the well earned palour of our skin tone from hours inside on the computer instead of outside in the sun, but really. The fact that I'm as pale as I am doesn't really have much to do with how much time I spend on the internet...I spend almost every lunch time and recess chillin outside, and if I could internet in the sun I 10/10 would, I'm like a cat in that way. But yeah, I don't understand people who try to be pale, and then you see photos of them with other people and they just look ridiculous...but yeah, do whatever you like people.
Anyway, that's my rant about being a pale person. It sucks, but after years of dealing with it, I'm finally embracing my inner polar bear and rocking the white ;)
I'm trying to do a post every day this week because I'm on holidays and don't have anything else to do...kidding! I'd totally do this even if I had a ridiculous amount of stuff to do (which I totally do ohgod why do I procrastinate so much?!) so I'll see you cool kids tomorrow!
TTFN! (if you don't know what is means- shame on you! ;o)
xoxo
Saturday 20 April 2013
What does Happy look like?
Fresh baked cookies. The worn out spine of a book you've read over and over. Guys who wink. Puffy skirts and polka dots. A new book from your favourite author. Perfectly iced cupcakes. Pink ribbons and black velvet. Sleeping kittens. A warm mug of tea. Autumn leaves. Fairy floss and Ferris wheels. Pretty high heels and scuffed up boots. Fairy lights. Cubby houses. Antique chairs. Wild flowers and daisy chains. Sandy beaches. Ice cream cones and Boost juice. Your room after a long holiday. Making your friends laugh. Merry-go-rounds. Perfectly curled hair and make up that lasts the night. When there's milk in the fridge when you feel like cereal. Nutella. A top that fits just right and jeans that never go out of style. Roast dinner. Your favourite TV shows. Sunsets and sunrises (when you can be bothered to get up to see them). Daffodils and snap dragons. Childhood toys. Warm croissants. Matching socks. Cute rings. Hula hoops and skipping ropes. Bright lipstick. Patterned tights. Crappy movies. Pasta. Blue eyes. Gogo boots. Sunny days and picnics in the park. Unexpected kisses. Party dresses. Ads that make you laugh. Blue ocean water. Glitter. Hot boys. Lace and masquerade masks. Shiny coins. Freshly painted nails. Cosy cafés with mismatched furniture. Happy.
Inspired by Jennifer E. Smith's book "What Happy looks like". I haven't quite finished it yet, but ohgosh it's good.
Inspired by Jennifer E. Smith's book "What Happy looks like". I haven't quite finished it yet, but ohgosh it's good.
They're my dreams, but who's in charge?
It’s the ages old gripe- 17, and I don’t know what I want to
do with my life, but that’s the problem- I do know. I know exactly what I want
to do. I’ve got aspirations, dreams and plans. But no one wants to know. Least
of all my parents. Sure, they’re all “we just want you guys to be happy. Do
whatever will make you happiest.” Bullshiiiiit. My mum would cry and my dad
would have a coronary if I told them I didn’t want to go to uni. It’d always
been the plan- primary school, high school, college, uni. They blanched at the
idea of a gap year, which isn’t even an unreasonable expectation. But telling
them I want to go to tafe- uni for the trades? I think they’d die. Especially
with them moving overseas and not being here to constantly remind me how I was
ruining my chances at a good life, until I finally cracked and transferred to
some safe as Arts course at whatever low grade uni I could get into. I mean, I
know I’ve wanted to be an arts teacher for the past like 4 years, but that is
so over now. I mean, maybe if people didn’t put that idea down each time I
brought it up, then I might still want to do that and I’d go to uni- but
there’s only so many “you a teacher?” “Emily wants to be a teacher,
but with a short fuse like hers, I’d worry for her students” and “You really
want to be that crazy art teacher?”-s you can take before you finally accept
that maybe that’s not the dream for you. I mean, I gave up on vet and ballerina
pretty quickly when I realised I can’t stand the sight of blood and my
coordination is about as high as a drunk walrus. But I think I can actually do
this. And my friends believe I can too. Sure, they were a little shocked when I
first brought it up as something I wanted to do, but they’re all in now. I’ve
got at least half a dozen good customers, but really, how much more does a cafe
need, right? (so, so wrong. At least judging by how many customers I serve per
shift at work.) So if I think I can do this, and other people who are
completely willing to gently tell me if my dreams or ideas are stupid, believe
I can do this- why can’t I just tell my parents. Why won’t they believe in me?
I remember I told my mum once about this and I’m pretty sure she laughed and
said “why would you want to do that?!”
I reckon my dad would rather I got a tattoo or a boob job then for me to go to
CIT. But I’m pretty sure they don’t do a “How to run a cafe 101” at uni. I’ve
got so many dreams and ideas, but they all rest on this one thing I can’t bring
myself to do- just tell them. But I
can’t now. My brother’s about to drop out of uni, and how could I not go after
that? It’d shatter them. Sure they want me to be happy, but happy to a point
and happy at a price. They’ve spent so much time telling us to do well at
school so we can get into uni and get a degree and live happy fulfilling lives,
and then they try to tell us that we don’t have to go to uni. Ben has to stop
caring so much how other people want him to be- think more about how he feels.
I need to...well apart from not fuck up they don’t really give me any solid
life improvement advice. I guess that should feel good, but considering the
shit house my life is at the moment it kind of hurts that they can’t even
notice, though I don’t even know if I want them to notice. They’ll try give me
some crappy advice like “boys don’t matter at the moment” “It doesn’t matter if
you don’t have many friends- it just means the ones you have mean more” “If
someone doesn’t want to talk to you, they don’t matter” none of which has ever
helped anyone. I’ll still be in love with a guy I can never have and who’d
never want me, still be unpopular, and still have people hate me for reasons
waaay beyond my comprehension. But, c’est la vie, right? (god I’m a cliché.) So
sure my brother is more openly screwed up (though he has no actual reason to
be- at least his parents like him as a person) and I’m inwardly screwed up and
incapable of opening up, but to then tell my parents I don’t want the life
they’ve picked out for me would just...I don’t even know if they’d be able to
look at me. It shouldn’t be this hard. I should just be able to casually say
“mum, I want to go to CIT and then open my own cafe” but each time I try I just
imagine how she’ll look at me like I’ve let her down and then I can’t do it.
Well, I guess I’m off to uni then. I wonder if they have a course on “making
the most of your crappy life you hate”.
See you round suckers.
xoxo
xoxo
Wednesday 17 April 2013
I'm baaaaaaaack! ;D
ohmygosh I'm back!
I can't believe it's been almost a year since I last posted, and what a crazy year! My three best friends all broke up with their long-term boyfs (One of them is back together, one has a new (better) boyf and one of them is still single (and I'm pretty sure still kind of in love with her douche of an ex)) and there were tears and icecream and hate and a whole lot of me being really awkward and not knowing what to do with crying people, I've fallen for people and had my heart broken, I survived another year of school (though barely), joined Tumblr (http://thefabulousjeremy.tumblr.com) and Instagram (http://instagram.com/mulesvillearizone) (worst best decisions of my life ;P), I got a new much better job at a cafe...um yeah, thinking back not that much has happened tbh, but it felt like crayest year/10.
I can't believe I am so close to being 18 and finishing school, and I still don't know what I want to do. Well I sort of do, but I don't know how to do what I want to do. I want my own cafe. Like for reals. I even know what it would *sort of* look like, and whenever I bake I get super excited for my cafe, but then I'm like "lol I can't do this" even though people tell me I can. ~logic~
But yeah, I guess I'll have to figure it out cause my parents and younger siblings are about to go on posting so that'll leave me and the older brother here to chill and not die. {yay} (loljk)
On another completely unrelated note I'm planning on dying my hair again! yay! I want it fire truck red. Something like these:
Best Collage skills ever, yeah? ;)
But yeah, I want BRIGHT red hair...I realise that they're all sort of different reds, but I'll take whatever red I can get atm...but I have to wait now cause two other people at school just dyed their hair red, so I have to wait till at least one of them no longer has red hair because otherwise it's not as cool.
I also just realised how stupid it is saying "fire truck red" here in Australia, cause in Canberra at least I'm pretty sure our fire trucks are yellow :P
Also I've become seriously addicted to youtube...like more so than usually. I'm listening to the music of a youtuber right now. They're just so pretty though! And by pretty I mean hot...for some reason I'm now calling hot guys pretty, like there's this crazy hot guy at school and every time I see him I just sigh to my friends about how pretty he is and then there's much eye rolling at my inability to behave like a rational human when it comes to hot guys.
Anyway, youtube is my new love. Who needs a boyfriend when I have youtube and Ben & Jerry's (which my local supermarket now has and you can see on my insty (instagram, obvs) that I am greatly taking advantage of this fact...)
My fave youtubers atm are:
But yeah, I want BRIGHT red hair...I realise that they're all sort of different reds, but I'll take whatever red I can get atm...but I have to wait now cause two other people at school just dyed their hair red, so I have to wait till at least one of them no longer has red hair because otherwise it's not as cool.
I also just realised how stupid it is saying "fire truck red" here in Australia, cause in Canberra at least I'm pretty sure our fire trucks are yellow :P
Also I've become seriously addicted to youtube...like more so than usually. I'm listening to the music of a youtuber right now. They're just so pretty though! And by pretty I mean hot...for some reason I'm now calling hot guys pretty, like there's this crazy hot guy at school and every time I see him I just sigh to my friends about how pretty he is and then there's much eye rolling at my inability to behave like a rational human when it comes to hot guys.
Anyway, youtube is my new love. Who needs a boyfriend when I have youtube and Ben & Jerry's (which my local supermarket now has and you can see on my insty (instagram, obvs) that I am greatly taking advantage of this fact...)
My fave youtubers atm are:
These guys are just plain funny, clever and in most cases quite attractive ;)
But really it's just nice listening to people talk about their lives that are significantly more interesting than my own :P
I actually tbh reckon that if I met most of these people in person we'd get on quite well, which actually kind of sucks because all of them except one live in England, so I can't imagine I'll see them any time soon :P
I was seriously collaging shit up today, wasn't I? ;P
Anyway, I've rabbitted on for long enough now and tbh it's probs time for me to go to bed :P
Nighty night!
xoxo
But really it's just nice listening to people talk about their lives that are significantly more interesting than my own :P
I actually tbh reckon that if I met most of these people in person we'd get on quite well, which actually kind of sucks because all of them except one live in England, so I can't imagine I'll see them any time soon :P
I was seriously collaging shit up today, wasn't I? ;P
Anyway, I've rabbitted on for long enough now and tbh it's probs time for me to go to bed :P
Nighty night!
xoxo
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