We've all got one, whether it's a parent, a sibling, a friend, a boy/girlfriend, even a teacher maybe...but everyone's got an anchor. Someone who's there when they need it most, someone who makes big problems seem, well less big and daunting. Who when the world is being stupid and confusing makes it all simple and orderly. But what happens when your foundation becomes a little bit less stable?
My best friend is my anchor, surprise, surprise right? But she is. When I'm feeling crazy or stressed or upset (which, to be honest is most of the time) she can almost always make me feel better. She's really just always there for me, and she's always got my back, even when she's really mad with me, because that's what we are to each other. I can ask her the stupidest or most embarrassing questions and she doesn't judge me, just helps, and that's why I love her. Don't get me wrong, my other friends and my boyfriend (ooh, yeah, I've got a boyfriend now, more to come on that next time ;)) and my brother and mum are great too, but there are some problems that I can't talk to them about, but I can talk to Anna about anything and we're cool. So yeah, that's where my problem starts really...
Now I'm going to be straight up with you guys- I'm not the most stable of people. I get stressed and upset really easy and I can suffer from some serious anxiety in a lot of social situations. I can have some pretty major mood swings which I'm working to control, but it's slow going and I tend to upset people sometimes when I don't even mean to. I'm strangely particular about some things, and then there are other things that I just don't care about. I have patterns and I hate breaking them. I have trouble sleeping because I'm scared of the dark but I can't sleep if it's light. I'm not going to sit here and say that my life is devastatingly tragic or try and tell everyone that I have huge major issues, bc I know there are people who have way bigger issues than I do, but yeah...
So, as I was saying I'm not the most stable of people, but that was always fine because Anna is. She's always been the smart, confident, pretty, outgoing one, and I'm the background friend. Sort of a Robin to her Batman, side kick to the hero. Which I'm not complaining about, that's the way we are and the way I like it, it makes me feel sort of...not protected, but...cozy? idk, I just feel little and like she's looking out for me, which I love (which is why it's amazing that my boyfriend is pretty much a giant, a whole foot taller than me) but she's my solid, dependable, unbreakable pillar of safety. but what do you do when your pillar is not quite as solid as you always thought?
I don't really want to say what's happened, bc it's Anna's business really and I don't really have the right to just put it out here on my blog where anyone could read it, but I'm just struggling to deal with the fact that my biggest point of stability might be just as unstable as I am.
xoxo
