Dear Love, Please Forgive Me.

I think I'm a little bit in love with you. Which is stupid, I know, because out of all the people I could choose to be a little bit in love with you're the one who's going to fuck me up the most. You're the one moved on, but will always make me feel special when we talk, so I'll never quite move on. I'll always want to share stuff with you; and your stupid, sarcastic, so typically you responses that let me know that you genuinely care will always make me feel special. You're the one I want to talk to when I'm sitting on my floor crying, and all I want to do is call you and get you to come over and just hold me, but I can't, because you're with her now and you don't need me half as much as I need you. I miss watching stupid movies at your house, cuddled up on your couch or in your bed. I miss making beer pizzas in your kitchen, that tasted kind of shit, but watching you make dough like you knew what you were doing (when you totally didn't, typical.) was hilarious. I miss wearing your shirt, and smelling you. I miss driving around town because neither of us wanted to go home, and sitting in your car talking and kissing, completely breaking my curfew but not giving a single fuck. I miss the way you smiled when I did something cute, and your stupid laugh that always made me want to kiss you. I miss kissing you. I miss your family and how they always treated me like I belonged there. I miss your dog, and how you'd get jealous of me patting him instead of paying attention to you. I miss that time we just sat in the bathtub at your party, both feeling sick and dizzy, but being exactly where I wanted to be. I miss watching Hannibal with you, and sitting on your lap while we watched my brother playing dumb games. I miss you teasing me, and picking me up, because even though I said I hated it, you knew I loved it. I miss feeling the way I did with you. I miss you. All of you. The ego, the insecurity, the sarcasm. I'm sorry I fucked up, and I'm sorry you did to. You said we have a caustic relationship, not quite toxic, but never long before one of us hurts the other again. I'd redo every single time you hurt me over and over again if I could have you back. Even just for one day. I don't want anyone else. We're what I compare everything to, and nothing quite shapes up. And I'm not supposed to feel this way, I should be over you, should be able to be happy with you being with someone else, but I'm just not. I'm jealous, I'm sad, I'm so fucking angry with myself for letting you go. I'm sorry. I love you.